A lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city subscribed to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice was asked to donate 1 dollar . "Only a dollar?" said the Justice, "Only a dollar to bury an attorney? Here's 20 dollar; go and bury 20 more of them."
A lawyer and a physician had a dispute over precedence. They referred it to Diogenes, who gave it in favor of the lawyer as follows: "Let the thief go first, and the executioner follow."
"How can I ever thank you?" gushed a woman to the lawyer, after he had solved her legal troubles.
"My dear woman," lawyer replied, "ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question."
"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.
"If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.
Diogenes went to look for an honest lawyer. "How's it going?", someone asked. "Not too bad", said Diogenes. "I still have my lantern."
The defendant who pleads their own case has a fool for a client, but at least there will be no problem with fee-splitting.
God decided to take the devil to court and settle their differences once and for all.
When Satan heard this, he laughed and said, "And where do you think you're going to find a lawyer?"
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.
When a lawyer tells his clients he has a sliding fee schedule what he means is that after he bills you it's financially hard to get back on your feet.
It was so cold last winter that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?".
"Sure do," replied the bartender.
"Good," said the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my 'gator."
There was the cartoon showing two people fighting over a cow. One was pulling the cow by the tail; the other was pulling on the horns. Underneath was a lawyer milking the cow.
If you laid all of the lawyers in the world, end to end, on the equator ---- It would be a good idea to just leave them there.
A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.
...Benjamin Franklin.
Last update : 25-07-2007 16:22
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